How depressing.....

[danaefelise]

"Unless they're idiots." she muttered. That was usually a bad comment, but again no one was there. Most people didn't understand, what 95% of things that occured around them and the reason why. Really stupid. Maybe it was because they're busy to notice anything that's around them. If they do, it might be too late tounderstand. "Maybe hit them in the head?" she suggested. It seemed a little humorous, yet insulting to an extent. "Maybe they'll figure it out later. If you want to explain it to them." she shrugged and moved on to another topic. Danae wasn't a fan of explaining. Either she's just sum it up in a couple sentences of not say anything at all.

"Good then." she smiled and sighed in relief. It was good to be forgiven. It might be a sin to be unforgiven. She always apologized to the person she might insulted or do something. Heck she'll apologize if she thinks that she did somethig wrong to a person. "Sometimes I'm not easily forgiven, nor am I just forgiven in a snap." as she snapped her fingers. "I don't know why, but they just don't. Mean." with a little sad chuckle.

"It's okay." she nodded and was her mood was lightened a little. "It is. It sometimes happens in my nightmares." That was true. Sometimes her nightmares would be scary that she couldn't evevn have the strength to open her eyes. If she did, she wouldn't want to say that she had that nightmare, again. "Scary thought." She really couldn't explain it detail. Though the statements she said seemed good enough for Izar."My mother told me that he didn't like tainted. My mom was one. I don't even know what the hell he looks like now." she took in sharp breaths. "Would you want her to forget that you're tainted?" Danae asked in serious thought. It was a deep thought and feeling that no one could really explain. It had its positives and negatives. Not even people who were experienced in deep moods or feelings.

"Do you sometimes wish that you're mother didn't see you as a monster and saw you as your son? Or even as a hurt and scared man?" her eyes were at Izar's eyes. The fact that you're mother didn't like you, it seemed wrong and undignified. Just to hate on your own blood. Your own. Some families were like that. It didn't matter what relationship. You're either on one side or the other. It did make a big difference. "Of course." she agreed with him. A child forced to be in a awkward position. Danae knew it. Experienced it too. Though no matter what you chose, the consquences would be severe as possible. The life you had will never be the same as before. That was how dark life was. However, Danae kinda lived on it.


"You wanna go back and sit down?" Danae asked and suggested. She really cared for Izar at the moment. She really cared about him. Just hearing from what Izar said about his history. Izar's history sounded more twisted and complex than Danae's. She didn't want to think the reason why Izar hated water. She wasn't that much of a nosy person. She implied that it was private. "I can go back to here anytime. Just worried for your safety." she commented. A cold feeling went down Danae's spine. She shivered and shuttered. The cold started getting to her. "Sorry. Can't believe I'm saying this, but kinda starting to get cold for me." in a silly voice and somehwhat a joke-ish way. "A friend for a friend. And a life for a life. Kinda a weird saying. I only say to friends that I..." she didn't finish the sentence. Danae said that to certain friends. Friends that Danae only cared in a 'special' way. She didn't really care that she had only met Izar for a while. Just seemed the right time to say it.

[izar]

OOC: Sorry it took so long I keep starting and then getting interrupted!

Izar nodded and chuckled, "Yes, very idiotic." Izar had studied a little bit of psychology before he had dropped out of college. His theory was: the reason a person doesn't understand is because they don't want to understand not because they can't. But, then again, maybe there were just people out there who just don't understand a lot of things. "That might get through to them." He laughed at what she suggested. "I don't know after a while the best thing to do is just give up." He smiled and shrugged, "Not much else you can do other than taking a hammer and nailing it in."

He smiled, "She's not the kind of spirit to hold a grudge." He smiled and shrugged. The thought about it for a moment going silent. "Sometimes even an apology is not enough for some people. For example going to a funeral and saying 'I'm sorry I killed your brother,' might not give the right kind of forgiveness." He chuckled, "Though whoever would do that might be very thick in the head." He shrugged, "Maybe there’s something that we don't understand about them, although to not forgive is still a harsh thing to do." He patted her shoulder and smiled reassuringly. There had been many things that he wouldn't be ready to forgive though for simple things usually it was just like an accident.

"That is a horrible thing." Izar agreed. He listened carefully to Danae and he closed his eyes for a moment. "I wish there wasn't such discrimination between the tainted and untainted. It really ruins a lot of things and we always have to hide what we really are." He sighed and a breeze swept by whipping his hair in his face. He pushed it out of his eyes and looked down at his feet. He shook his head, "She doesn't know." He said crossing his arms. "I haven't seen her in years. The last I heard of her she had gotten out of prison and had gone to go live with my grandparents." He shrugged, "They told me that like I'd care." He looked back up at her, "If you had the opportunity to see your father would you?"

He met her eyes but had to avert them, "Yes, I wish that all the time.” His eyes watered but he refused to let any tears fall and looked away from her for a moment. He turned back once he had gotten his tear glands under control and smiled, “Although, wishing doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.” He shrugged and kicked a small stone with his boot and watched it tumble away like a bolder that the small ants had to run from or get crushed by. He remembered as a little kid thinking that some how his mother might live him. I was only after she had tried to drown him that he came to the conclusion that there wasn’t a single part of her that loved him. When he had gotten the message that she was out of prison Izar had almost hoped that she would try to find him. Just to show that she cared somewhat for him. At least enough to know where he was. She hadn’t. He remembered in court she hadn’t even been a little repentant.

Izar looked over at Danae and smiled, “No,” he shook his head. Izar chuckled, “I’m fine,” he promised, “I feel safe.” He said and squeezed her hand. It was odd he had never opened up to someone like this. He usually just left it at that he had a rocky relationship with his parents. Izar chuckled, “Really?” He grinned now that he thought about it; it was a bit chilly outside. “Yeah, a little.” He listened carefully and cocked his head in slight confusion, “Friends who you what?” He persisted. He had never met anyone quite like Danae. She was her own person, just going her own way against the crowd if her ideas demanded. At least that was the impression that he got from her.

[danaefelise]

OOC: It's okay. I've been a little inactive lately.

---

"Finally, someone agrees with me!?" Danae exclaimed. She bit her right hand nails, nevously. Not many agreed with Danae. Been really lame. "I'd really like to do that." in a humorous way. Though it seemed not much humorous, if Danae wanted to go a painful way for the people to get the message in their heads. If she did, they'd be dead by now. What good is the message if the person is dead? Just a lame thing. With a sarcastic flair to her. "Don't you just want do that to someone? Just like shake and yell at them. And maybe even hit them." she suggested. "But I'll see it to believe that those idiots can understand." By that point, Danae got a little lost and confused of what was the topic.

"Seriously?" she raised an eyebrow with somewhat a concern for Izar and his mother. "It's different with my mother. She can forgive, hold a enemy here or two. But she'll never forget. Never." Danae explained a little of the relationship between her and her mom. It wasn't strained at all. Just the casual talk, argue, have fun, caring thing between them. "Of course it's hard to forgive." her eyes looked up at the night sky. "Cause' you're not sure if you can even trust that person anymore. A lot of people broke their promises to me. I think I forgave them. Though a lot was lost in the relationship after that. They build you up and they tear you down immediately." in a lecture form. Forigveness. Such a hardcore topic for everyone. Some people won't even forgive others for their whole life. Unless they died. Then that's a different thing.

Danae only forgave certain people in her life. Mostly the people she considers her friends and family. It wasn't the same, vice versa. That's what she hates the most. What good is it to forgive, if you don't receive it back? Most confusing and frustrating thing for Danae. That was all Danae wanted to say and hopefully that Izar understood how hard core it was for forgiveness in Danae. Though she felt like that she needed to say more. It was just that she didn't know what the hell to say. Sometimes she'd mix up her own words that she, herself, doesn't even know what she said. Let alone, what her true feelings about it too. "Have you forgave people Izar?" Danae asked, out of curiousity and helplessness. She wanted his opinion to sort out everything that was twisted and wrong in her life.


"Yep. I just wish that it'd stop for good. Not just be like a light-switch. It's on one time and it's off later. My nightmares are really destroying my dreams. Or just covering it." Danae opened her core more to Izar for him to explore and ask. "She doesn't?" It seemed that Izar's life was switched to Danae's. "Weird. That you're life quite like a mirror to mine. Just barely though. I think." her expression changed into the usual care and protectiveness. "I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't have my mother. Probably I'd been in the same position as you." Danae thought of her life, without her mother in it. Scary and frightful thing. Danae's life would just hopeless and powerless. In a way.

Danae's eyes went to Izar for a moment, then she hung her head down. He had asked her almost the heart of the core. "If I had the opportunity...." her hands began to shake, "I'd probably would see him. Though I'd just never look at him the way the usual daughter would to their dad. Just see him as an outcast. But still family. B-b-barely." she stuttered at the last word. That was her answer, really in full explanation. She wanted to see him. It was just how would he fit into her life. She was eighteen now. How could he? It seemed that he was the final piece, well not final, but one of the pieces of the puzzle. Though it didn't fit good as Danae had hoped it would be. An awkward position.

"Me too." she smiled back at him. "I really do." in a angelic way. Despite the whole hard core topics that Izar had asked Danae. It seemed that he had gotten far in Danae's core. Danae was proud of that. In return, she was safe. Just didn't show it on the surface. "Friends that I care about in my heart. Literally." a feeling came over Danae. Suddenly, she just bursted in tears. It felt a warm place to be here. "I'd do anything for them..well esepcially you. Well it's like only you." it took Danae the guts to say that. "Sorry, if I'm being to teary and gushy for you." she apologized and explained why she cried. It felt like that someone was there to protect Danae.

[izar]

Izar laughed, "Don't we all once and a while. I'd be a very bad teacher." He grinned, "What's wrong with you why don't you understand?!" He imitated a high pitched teacher's voice. He grinned there were a lot of thick people in this world. He had been unlucky to be stuck with three of them as a foster family. However he loved them greatly because the person they took him away from was even worse in the fact that she was evil. He loved them for all their idiotic remarks. He knew that despite them lacking understanding of his power they would never give him away to anyone that might want to hurt him and he knew they loved him.

He blinked as the conversation switched to forgiveness. "It's very hard to forget." He smiled grimly. "It can really change a relationship. It's hard, trust is hard to gain but it's oh so easy to lose." He said looking through the trees at the stars. If his mother came asking for forgiveness he would give it in a heartbeat but he would never forget nor would he ever feel the love that he should feel. He nodded as she talked in a slightly increasing lecture tone. Trust and forgiveness were two very shaky and hard subjects to talk about. It made life all that much harder. It's not easy to forgive someone but it's even harder to forget what they did.

He blinked at her question and shrugged, "I guess a few people. No one's ever really done anything that doesn't deserve forgiveness." He shrugged again, that was a tough question. It was true most people he did forgive but there were some things that he felt could never be forgiven. Like murder, yes he had killed someone but that was different, he wasn't sorry. If someone had tried to apologize after killing out of cold blood they don't deserve his forgiveness. "What about you? Has there ever been someone that you were never able to forgive?" He said rewording then throwing her own question back at her. That was how he learned most things but turning people's own question on themselves.

He felt his brow come together with sympathy. "I know how that feels. All you see is nightmares and you can't find your dreams." He nodded to her next question. He hadn't said a word to his real mother in what seemed like a lifetime. He blinked, "Huh, I never would have thought of it that way." Now that he could picture it it was kind of like a mirrored life. He nodded, neither of them knew their father and their mothers were opposites. "Yes, I can see that. Yes, only barely." He chuckled, "That is weird." He agreed with a smile.

He saw her reaction and wondered if he shouldn't have asked that. He nodded, it must be hard for her to talk about her father. To know that he left because of something that her mother was. It must be painful. He'd never actually spared a thought for his father until now. He never rally cared, his father could have been anyone on the streets. Though he was sure that his mother would have recognized him and tried to kill him. He felt bad putting Danae in that position. He never should have asked he felt like a demon for even thinking of the question. "I'm sorry I asked, Danae," he said with a smile.

He smiled when she said she felt the same and his heart warmed just a little more. It felt good to feel that he could protect someone. He was caught completely off guard when she burst into tears. He did the first thing that came to mind. He hugged her. He smiled, "I'd do anything for you too, Danae." He held her and his mind was turning upside down. "Don't apologize." He said with a warm smile. "I don't mind." He said and let her cry herself out. It must have taken courage to say something like that. He grinned, "Stop crying I won't let anything happen to you." He said and wiped away her tears with one finger.

[danaefelise]

A laugh came out of Danae. She'd never imgined one of her friends being a teacher. It seemed wrong. Or formal. Especially Danae would be shocked if she had the qualities of a teacher. That'll happen in lifetime. Just being a teacher sounded boring. Unless you have class full of Tainted. Or if the teacher was Tainted. Though she'd never heard of a teacher actually abusing the students just for doing something wrong. That would be just over the line. They'll be fired the next day or within that day. Danae never went to school in Sanglignée. She mostly finished her school years back home. Though she wouldn't mind going here for a year or two. They might be different or the same. Her school wasn't like Sanglignée. Tainted. Well a couple were tainted. It was just they were in hiding from everyone else.

"I don't get why it's like that." her head titlted to the side. "It makes everything so unbalanced." Trust. Tha't what every relationship starts with. Or is the base. From there it's built up into more strong relationships. There's really a thin fine line from keeping within your trust and breaking your trust. Your next step may be your last. You can't fix what already happened. Sure you can regain trust. Problem is, that it's different from what you had before. It might be more negative or more positive. That's what starts and destroys relationships. Life is unfair and the world is cruel. That's how life is like that everyday. Maybe that's how everyone got their feelings. Through trust and forgivness. They're almost complete opposites.


"Oh." in a low tone. Danae flinche when Izar asked her the same question. "Well," she breathed in sharply, "there's only one person and been talking about that person for a while, well only for this topic." she added. "It's my father." Danae swallowed hard having to say that. "I'm close to not forgiving him." Danae added quickly. Sure, Danae was going a bit fast to just shut out from her father before having to find him. "And..that's it I guess. Though I'm not sure for my mother. I relate to her. Just I don't know." it was confusing for Danae to say what she wanted to say. She wanted to drop the topic, but she didn't. But her friends. They haven't done anything wrong. Apologizing and forgiveness are really different things to Danae. Apologizing are for litte things. Small important things. Forgiveness are for big things. Long terms for lif.

"Though to some people...nightmares are their dreams." in a sick voice. She really just felt down and scared about the topic. "Sometimes my nightmares can run my life. And affect who I am, but I hide it." in truthness. Danae almost had a double life or two personalities. One was the outside life, personality. In more detail it was for her family and friends. But inside, there was another life, personality, in Danae. It kept gnawing at her, dying to kill or affect the outside life, personality. It was twisted of how people's nightmares can be their dreams. It puzzled Danae and broke her on the topic. "Yep. But I live for weirdness. Just barely." in a whisper voice. That sent a shiver down Danae's spine.

"No! It's okay." as she refuted him for apologizing. "I should kind of thank you for asking that. No one known about that. You're the first person." in a babbling nonsense. "It hurts, but not as strong as it was anymore now that I talked about it." in a happy voice. "Thank You." Danae sent gratitude to Izar. Having totalk about her father wasn't as scary as it was anymore. It was still a dim and dark topic. But a ray of light shone in it. Maybe it hoped that she'll finish talking about it and close the topic for good.

"You promise?" in a firm and gentle voice. She hoped that he'd say yes. "I'll promise you the same thing." it took the effort to say that. But not all did it burn. Danae felt that warmness when Izar hugged her. She never felt this way before. She wrinkled her nose. "Okay, I won't." now that she wished she took back her apology. Danae blinked as he wiped the tears. She felt a touch of his skin and it was smooth and warm. "Me too." Danae replied. "Can I get another hug?" in a sheepish voice. That sounded lame. But she was in the mood for one. She did need another just to reassure herself. To be okay.

[izar]

Izar wondered what it would be like to have a school only for tainted individuals. That would save people having to figure out what is going on with them and also help them understand more about the discrimination against them so they don't do something stupid out of spite. Izar thought about it for a moment perhaps someone will get smart and make one so that new tainteds don't have to go through what he and Danae and so many others had gone through. Now that he was thinking about it he realized what an incredibly good idea it was and how odd it was that someone hadn't already thought of it. He blinked once and cocked his head to one side, "Danae do you think that having a school of all tainteds would be a good idea? Or am I just crazy?"

He nodded, "But when you trust people it feels like the best balance and it sends us falling when we loose it." He smiled it was an odd thing that trust was so powerful that it could send a strong person to their knees with sadness when it is broken but when it is at it's strongest it can let someone stand against a gale. There was really a thin line between the two. Trust and betrayal. And both can lead down dangerous paths. If you trust someone you will believe that they will protect you and if they don't they it breaks. Also if you trust that someone will love you but they do and it ends up causing physical harm. Also bad.

He nodded, "I see," he mentally kicked himself for asking such a thing again. Forgiveness was a hard thing to do. He knew that very well. It came easily at some points but other times you know that the person is truly sorry and you can't find it in your heart to do. "Forgiveness is hard, Danae, it's not something that will come in an instant you have to learn how to do it. Just like speaking or walking, or anything for that matter." He grinned. "If you work hard enough just maybe it's possible to find it in your heart to forgive someone." He laughed suddenly breaking the mood, "I should become a philosopher, I seem to be having a lot of those moments lately." He chuckled.

He nodded he hated to think of that but it was true. His nightmares were mostly memories. He did however have the occasional mindless dream, the ones that when you woke up you feel amazing but you really can't remember too much about the dream except that you were in this place with these people and they all flew with pigs or something random like that. "Dreams affect everyone like that. At least sometimes unless said person is unusually happy all the time." He shrugged he supposed that there could be someone out there like that.

He was glad that she wasn't upset with him and grinned as she thanked him for it. It was odd that something that causes emotional pain might make someone grateful people were odd like that. Not just him or Danae but people in general. He hoped that she felt better about the who situation. Probably not much better but a little at least.

He smiled, "I promise," He let the sylph land on his hand, "I'm sure that I'll get the message if you call out for me." He smiled and the sylph nodded enthusiastically. He smiled warmly and nodded to her. He grinned, "Of course." He pulled her into a tight hug and patted her shoulder gently. After he released her he smiled and really did think that he would be able to protect her. He hoped so he would hate to let her down.