I cannot [disappear] // open

[hanhan]

The day was long for Guinevere Denton so far. Guin's father was at the office all day long working on a big murder case, while Guin sat at home staring at the television. The channels were changing every five seconds, mainly from the fact there was nothing on that was remotely interesting. Why is it that soap operas tend to reign on the television during the day time? It was the weekend, so no school. The day was actually Saturday. If it was Sunday she would be at Church and enjoying the company of Andrew or just singing in the choir. Nope though, it was Satuerday... the day she normally dreaded.

See for Guin she wasn't the type of person that would go out on those days. She personally would sit to herself and just enjoy the company of a good book or some sort of literature work. Today she just got finished reading a Chuck Palanuik book called Lullaby, but was rudely interrupted in the last chapter by a voice that kept screaming into her ear. At times those voices were just annoying, she would tell them to shut up but it never really worked. They would say some crude comments and some just the things that came out of their mouths. Guin wondered sometimes if she heard people that were murdered or were murderers themselves. Sometimes she got the thought in her head; what if this person was a suicide. God would never let them into Heaven. Why did they speak to her though? Why didn't they just go up to Heaven or go to Hell where some of them should go with their language and thoughts that they projected to Guin? Who really knows though... these abilities are different for everybody.

Yawning as she heard a woman say hello, she spoke back. "Afternoon, what today? Um-- need a message to your kid or are you just lonely?" She actually came off rude, but who really cares... she was getting tired of it. The woman never spoke back; and Guin went back to changing the channels on the television.

Was she going to sit there all day? She seriously needed to get out... just do something. Personally; she liked her house a lot... there was less voices. By graveyards she heard a whole lot, which wasn't surprising. Sometimes it wasn't as bad though. She hated it when she actually watched a funeral going on. Thoughts about her mother would come into her head and just make her more angst and depressed. Now she was just getting depressed thinking about it. It was time to get out and enjoy the fresh air instead of drowning herself in sorrows in front of a soap opera filled television.

Shoving a light gray hoodie over her light pink lacy shirt. Moving up from the couch she turned off the t.v. with the remote and stepped on her cream carpet to the door where a basket full of shoes was. Guin loved her house; it was in the suburbs and it was all pale with color inside. Everything was neat and new; her father kept everything in order. It actually made her feel more comfortable. The basket of shoes was the only thing she hated. It was out of place and germs lurked there. Taking her shoes from it was normally the hardest thing to do. Counting to herself, starting with one... she reached in and grabbed her flip-flops from the basket. Slipping them on; she then proceeded to whip her hands on her tan flowing skirt. It was like germs already got on her hands, she would normally go wash them. Today was not the day though. Reaching for the knob on the door, she grabbed it with her sleeve of her hoodie(which was too large for her). Guin reached for the keys hanging on the wall and the opened the door, venturing outside.

Guin drove for a while till she actually made it into town. Parking her car at the cafe, she decided a walk would be nice. Locking the car, she made her way toward the town square. She loved reading the proverb about equality, even though it wasn't true. It just made her smile. Crossing her arms, she made it there finally and stood in front of the proverb. Hopefully this day wouldn't be that bad... she really wasn't expecting anything amazing to happen.

[jim]

Jim was lying on his couch. One arm hanging limply over the side, his left leg bend slightly, and his crystal blue eyes glared up at the white ceiling. He wasn't at his best. He had just ran into Mitch a few days ago, Mitch, of all people. He wanted to just apologize and run and hide. But no, Mitch had to be special too. He sighed and sat up slowly. His posture was terrible, he was hunched over with his head now looking down. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand. his eyes watering up slightly. Why was he such a moron, a big flippin' baby. Afraid to face his own brother. He stood, walking into the kitchen. Opening the fridge and pulling out a bowl with Jell-o in it. He wasn't all that hungry, and had only be craving sugar for the past few weeks. He sat back down on the couch, balancing on the balls of his feet, and leaning forward a little.

He grabbed a spoon off of the table in front of him and plunged it into the blue Jell-o. He took out a scoop and swallowed it. He balanced the bowl on the couch beside him. He reached over to grab his lap top. He pulled it forward, opening it, and going onto some video site. He put on some cartoon show, it was Japanese, anime? He shrugged, and just watched. It was a comedy, and Jim needed to be cheered up. He knew Japanese, well, could listen to it, speaking it was a completely different thing though. He picked up the jell-o again. It only took a few scoops for ti to be gone. Depressing. There was never enough, right? He waited for the show to end. It wasn't a funny episode apparently, actually it was quite strange. It involved a transvestite, a car, a alien and a dog names Tamaki. At least it was creative. He closed his lap top and stood.

Come on, we going out today? I promise that you won't run into Mitchy-kins or that Caleb boy. Clay muttered in the back of Jim's head. Jim laughed, "You better be right. I need to shop. So, there can't be too many people for us to run into." Jim said, he walked down the hall, stepping into the bathroom. He took a shower, shaved, the usual. He went into his room and grabbed a black Nine Inch Nails shirt, a pair of old pants that he received as a gift when he was still living with his 'parents', damn teen years. He shook out his wet hair, it had a bit of curl to it and he didn't care. It would dry and he would be irritated by it, he knew that, so why deal with it now.

He grabbed his wallet and shoved it in his back pocket. He then plugged his lap top into the wall before attaching his keys to his pocket and flipping it inside. He turned the lock in the handle of his front door, and then slid out, shutting it behind him. he didn't need to lock it from the outside when he did it this way. Jim smoothly headed down the stairs, he shielded his eyes with his hand for a moment. It was brighter outside then he was used to, natural light was defiantly different than what he enjoyed and was used to. He grumbled slightly, and stood there for a moment. allowing his eyes to adjust. They were even lighter when the sun hit them, they seemed more alive. He slowly started walking down the street, turning onto a more crowded sidewalk, heading towards the square.

He was planning on possibly stopping to get some real food on the way to the grocery store. His stomach was hating him, more and more, as he had insisted on eating sweets. Something was wasn't sugary and was properly cooked would do him some good. Finally! A good meal! I was growing tired of your Coke, Jell-O, and chocolate lifestyle. If your going to be that way, at least buy a rowing machine or something. Clay barked, Jim laughed slightly. Jim walked through the square, his eyes down and hands kept tighter to his body but were still hanging. Woah! Hold it, kiddo! It's that friend of your. the hot blond one ... uhh ... Clay had forgotten her name. Jim looked over, seeing Guin. He smirked weakly and went to keep walking, but stopped. He should say 'hi', right?

He slowly walked over to where she was. "H ... Hey ... Guin ..." Jim said, damn. He was too shy for his own good. He should have just kept walking, he wasn't up for this. normally it would be okay, he could talk to ... some ... people without difficulty. But the fact that he was crushing on her wasn't helping matters, only made them worse. "How ... How have you ... been?" He asked, choppy much?

[hanhan]

Guin wasn't really paying attention, when she heard a voice she didn't know if it was just her hearing things again or was it really somebody... turning her head to look around she seen someone that normally made her smile when she seen him, Jim Daniels. Guinevere ran into him in the street, literally, and they been friends since. Its pretty bad for the fact she knows his brother too. His brother was nothing like him though. Mitch was a flirt and had a habit of making Guin slightly embarrassed whenever he was around. Jim was different. Guin just didn't know what to say and had a feeling she was going to make a complete fool of herself in front of him. To tell you the truth, she just had feelings for him but didn't know how to express them in any way. Guys were not her expertise. Maybe today she would be able to speak around him a lot more. Sometimes nothing came out of her mouth when she was around guys she liked, or sometimes she couldn't stop talking. Hopefully today was a mediocre day with that.

"Hi." Well, that came out good. When he asked how she been, she smiled softly at him and spoke up an answer. "I've been..." She had to think for a moment, then forced out. "...fine, how about you?" To tell you the truth, her mind went blank for a second. She just felt like running just then, just to hide or something. Frankly she loved being alone rather than around people. Right now if she could run or just disappear she wished she could. At least nobody else was around to make it more uncomfortable.

See, Guin had really no problem talking to one or two people at a time. When there were more people she had a problem even getting a hello out. She was quiet and even soft-spoken when she spoke. At times her voice was hard to hear over other people mainly for the fact she wasn't harsh or even hard with the words that spilled out of those lips. She just was timid and more home in a library than anything. With her eyes going around the area to see if anybody else was coming or not, she drawn them back to Jim. At least he didn't look sick or anything, so nothing really could be going bad with him. A smile was still on her lips even though she frankly was scared to even say a few words to him. Guin had crushes in all, but she didn't have one real boyfriend. The last one she had she was only like twelve and all they did was hold hands. Guin never kissed anybody and probably planned not to. Really... she was on her way to become a nun with the way she thought. She went to church every Sunday and never missed a day and sang in the choir every Sunday. Life was on the track of becoming a cat lady or just someone who was going to be alone for the rest of their life, really... she didn't mind. Being alone was no problem for her.

"What brings you here?" She spilled out finally, her voice a little louder than before. As she took a hand, she moved her hair out of her face and then brought it back down to the crossed position. Even though she was wearing a hoodie that was extremely to large for her she felt cold all the time. Mainly because she always had the feeling that someone was always around and someone was going to talk to her any second. Speaking of which, a voice popped into her head... just a random scream like someone was yelling at her. The voice was muffled though, which was the good thing. Yet, Guin had a physcial reaction to the scream... she closed her eyes for a second and shook her head slightly. As she opened her blue eyes, she brought them back up at Jim. Biting her lip slightly, words piled out of her mouth. "Sorry..."

That actually embarrassed her more than anything. She hated it when 'they' spoke to her or actually done things like that. One thing was she hated it when they screamed or even yelled profane things. Sometimes it was like they were yelling at her to do things and sometimes they were just screaming for no reason. Guin wondered if crazy people talked to her sometimes... she wouldn't feel out of place. People think she was crazy for the things she done. Being a germaphob, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, perfectionist normally caused people not to think your right in your mind. When your hearing voices in your head, your definably not right in your mind to people.

[jim]

Jim had his head looking down at the ground in front of him, his eyes tilted up more towards her. She seemed a little spacey at first and then looked at him. He smiled weakly at her when she said hi. He noted that she paused a little in the middle of her sentence. Aww. How cute. Your both shy dorks. Only one of you is much hotter. Clayton muttered lightly. Jim rubbed the back of his head lightly, his hair becoming a little more messy with the light curls than it had been before. "I'm ... fine, too. Which, it is good that your fine. I mean ... if fine is good, than good is fine." ... What the hell was that?! Jim cringed a little, he was such an idiot. He couldn't even form a sentence that made sense in front of this girl. How was he going to save himself from that blunder? By not saying anything at all, good. Don't speak unless your spoken to. It would work, and to not be overly chatty, cause he would just sound like a bumbling dummy.

Jim wasn't all that much of a people person. Sure, he could talk to people, depending on who they were. Normally, if he was too much of a conversation killer, Clayton would step in. Though, people normally noticed when he went from the shy guy, to the foal mouthed charismatic guy. Other than that, it worked out alright, as long as Clay was in a good mood. Jim shoved his hands nervously into his pant pockets, trying to stay still, since he felt like fidgeting and moving around. he hated being in one spot for too long when he felt uncomfortable, nervous, or slightly embarrassed. He was feeling all of these emotions, but not really in a negative way nor towards her. It was more of the way he was acting that was making him feel like this. no matter what he did he seemed to come off this way, though, she was probably used to him being like this ...

"Uh ... I ... was just ... food. I was just shopping for food." He said, obviously over thinking it. You know. That first part, your supposed to do in your head. Then you say the second part out loud. This is how people speak in a correct manner. Clay broke out laughing. Jim jut had his innocent little smile on his face, trying to ignore Clayton's dark muffled cackling. He watched her for a moment as she closed her eyes and seemed slightly shaken for a moment. she apologized. "Huh? why are you apologizing?" He asked slightly, "You alright?" He paused, wow, he just said something without sounding nervous or distant. Clay didn't comment, that was a good sign, him having nothing to say was like rain after a long dry spell. He sighed slightly.

He knew what it was like to have voices in your head. Only his was the same one, that he had come to know too well. One that was responsible for the majority of the wrongs in his life, was responsible for ruining his brother's life, for leaving them orphans, for almost everything he could think of. But he knew he blamed himself a lot to, almost like he didn't like giving Clayton all the credit. He blamed himself, like if he owned up to all the things Clayton had done, then Clayton would disappear, and he would be on his own again. How much he would give to not have Clay around. To be able to rest knowing that he wasn't going to wake up in some hotel room two hundred miles from his home with no money, some chick beside him, a bruise the size of Texas on his face and headache that could kill an elephant. Yeah ... what he wouldn't give ...

[hanhan]

He was babbling as much as she normally does. That was a comfort that she liked. She could be herself around him and not be worried what he thought mainly because he was so much like her. Guin smiled at him softly and spoke, trying to hold back the stumbles in the words. "Fine is good. I'm glad your fine too." She didn't know what to do after that. Talking to people was the hardest thing for her to do. Normally she would run off and hide away from them as much as she possibly could. Its not that she wasn't socialible or anything, its just the fact she disliked people... all types of people. People ruined everything and frankly she was tired of just hearing those voices in her head and not seeing anybody to talk back to them. People were stupid for the mistakes they made and for the problems that they cause and don't try to fix until its too late and Guin will have to end up fixing those problems. Its stupid. They are stupid... even if they are just human... she thought humans were stupid even though she was one herself.

Guin adjusted her legs slightly, crossing them while she was standing up. Crossing her arms over the dark hoody she mainly was trying to close herself off to the world around her. She hated when voices interrupted her when she was speaking to people. It was just rude. It was really rude when they scream really loud or yell at your when your in a conversation with someone and you have to raise your own voice to hear it over them. Some people thought she was insane from doing that. It wasn't her fault though. Her father thought she was a insane and thought she was some freak. When it first starting happening he wanted her to go to some sort of shrink or doctor for it. He just wanted that shy girl back that he had. He didn't want someone like her, who can hear things that aren't there. He was a jerk. At least he had a good enough reason to be there. Guin didn't have a reason at all, just wanted fresh air. She got in a car and drove ten miles for fresh air. Patheic isn't it? "Food is a great reason to be here." Guin loved eating, even though she was skinny. It was something that calms the nerves and she definably needed to be more calm. Then hearing him speak to her about if she was okay, she nodded. "For now.. sorry... I have these moments sometimes. I ignore them as best as I can, but sometimes everything is way to loud to ignore." She shrugged slightly, being nonchalant. She didn't want to seem like a freak in front of someone she likes. Plus, she definably wasn't going to go all Sixth Sense on him and tell him she, well, hears dead people. At least she doesn't see them. That is a good thing.

Looking around the voice came back into her head. The best bet is to leave the area and find one with not a dead person around. Looking at Jim, she raised an eyebrow. "Want to go for a walk or something? Probably don't want to... but I thought it would be polite to ask you.... its fine if you don't want to go though. I understand completely." She smiled softly at him. She babbled again. Why was she always a complete nerd. She seriously needed to work on her social skills.