Silent Slumber

[blaize]

It was amazing how many different faces one could find in your average patterned ceiling. Especially if you’ve spent the best part of the entire night staring at it. Blaize was in bed. It was about eight am on Friday morning, February first. And all hell was breaking loose, though the house of number six was deceptively quiet despite the inner turmoil of one of its longest residents. Even Blaize’s body was in conflict with itself; it couldn’t decide whether it was too hot or too cold. So he lay with nothing but bare skin on the upper half of his body and his lower half was covered not only in the black jersey pants he changed into after his shower at some unlawful hour of the night, but a sheet, a duvet and a winter blanket too. Maybe he was getting sick. To be honest he wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest.

At first, when he fell into his bed after the long hours of work the night before, he lay in silence, waiting for sleep to over come him. When it didn’t the silence became deafening, so he turned on his stereo system and kept the volume down low enough that no one else in the house would hear it. Right now it was whispering out a song called Looking for Water; a song that he hadn’t heard in a very long time, and for the most part he wasn’t even hearing it now. He was too busy trying to sift through the wilderness of thoughts in his head.

The most prevalent was, somewhat sadly, his friend Sebastien. Blaize had known Basti for years, fifteen to be exact, and he was his closest and oldest friend. He was another older brother to Dodge, would baby-sit her when they were younger even when Blaize couldn’t. Sebastien lived next door to the inn for most of his life. They knew everything about each other and that was really saying something when it came down to it. The problem with this perfect picture now, was that Basti was gone. Not that he had moved away, but that he just vanished. Three days ago Blaize went to the house he shared with a few friends, and they told him he hadn’t come home the night before. No one worried, because lets face it, at twenty two years old you’re allowed to not come home without calling. But Blaize hadn’t seen him since then either. Logic said that Basti just upped and left in the middle of the night; packed his bags and moved on, but two things had to be taken into consideration here. Firstly, none of Basti’s things were missing apart from what he left the house in that night, and secondly, if he was going anywhere he would have told Blaize. Even if he wasn’t going to tell anyone else, he would have told him. He was like a brother to him, and to find out that one day he vanished, after fifteen years of never having more than a day or two without seeing each other, that was more than enough to unsettle Blaize. Something, somewhere, had gone wrong. And he had no idea what that was.

The second problem that was keeping him awake at night was, apparently, a lot closer to home. Just across the landing, in fact. Lacy. It was almost a month ago that he had taken her to his room for what was definitely the most memorable hours he had had in a very long time. Before it happened he had made sure Lacy knew exactly what she was getting herself into. He didn’t want a relationship, he definitely didn’t want a girlfriend, and if she was going to have anything it was going to be just the physicality of it. Just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, for days afterwards he was the one that needed his own constant reminder of that. It was awkward for a while, treating Lacy exactly as he had always done around the others, but after those first few days it got easier, and it all went back to normal. Mostly. At least, that’s what he told himself. And it was getting tiring having to constantly remind his reflection that he didn’t want and didn’t need a girlfriend, and that getting involved with someone he already lived with could only be a bad thing.

Unfortunately, the words to that song, or at least some of them, had seeped into his subconscious, and he decided that laying in bed like this was only going to drive him insane. He needed to talk to someone (anyone?), he needed the company. So he threw back the layers of blankets with a decisive sigh and rolled out of bed. He was exhausted, but sleep wasn’t going to come to him just yet. He had little else to do.

He left his room and paused in the hallway, listening. No one else was awake. The house was a resident down after Zain and Harriet moved out days before the end of the month, and while Blaize really didn’t mind sharing the place with three girls, he wasn’t expecting it to be so quiet. By the sounds of it, Jezebel hadn’t even gotten up to watch the news. This was slightly unnerving, but Blaize didn’t have the brain capacity to worry about it now. He considered going downstairs himself, having the TV to himself for the early part of the morning, but that defied the purpose he had in getting up at all – company. So he turned instead of heading for the stairs he walked straight across the landing and knocked lightly on Lacy’s door. He didn’t want to wake her if she was still asleep. He listened with baited breath of any disturbance of the silence from the other side of the door, and when none came he quietly grabbed the door handle and turned it.

Luckily it didn’t even creak as he opened the door, him realising that it wasn’t really Lacy that he didn’t want to wake, but the other girls. He peered around the edge of the door as soon as he could, and spotted her sound asleep in a nest of sheets and blankets. The site had a small smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. He crept into her room and shut the door behind him in silence. It was then that he realised how truly dark her room was. With the heavy curtains drawn it could have passed for very late evening, and it took his eyes a moment to adjust from the morning light in the hall outside.

When he did adjust he finally left the door and made his way as quietly as he could towards her bed. It was a careful silence that he really didn’t have to uphold, because the second he reached her bed he climbed onto it, the movement disturbing the slumber he had worked until now to protect. He collapsed, albeit carefully, on top of her blankets, draping and arm over her and resting his head where he guessed where the bottom of her ribs were. He let his eyes close, not from tiredness, but because he could feel her breathing below him, and even the motion and the sound of her quiet breathing was calming enough to warrant it.

[lacy]

Lacy had finally gone into her room at about a quarter past midnight, she had been watching TV but she wanted to be alone. As she went into her room she passed Blaize’s door and decided to knock on it just to talk. As she raised her hand she couldn’t do it and turned around and walked into her bedroom with her head held downwards. Ever since the month before when they had spent three wonderful hours in his bedroom things had changed. They of course were still best friends and nothing was going to change that but it felt different. Though he treated her the same by flirting with her, and touching her shoulder when nobody was looking; it still wasn’t the same to her.

Before they finally made the choice to sleep together he made sure that she knew what his intentions were. Lacy fully understood them, they wanted to sleep together, but he didn’t want a relationship. Though that’s what Lacy wanted most of all she pretended that she didn’t for the sake of being with him. After the fact Lacy’s feelings got stronger each day, by a week or so after the slept together; she was in love with him. It had now been a little over a month and Lacy still to this day cried herself to sleep every night. All she wanted was to be with Blaize but in her heart she knew he had been hurt in the past and wanted nothing to do with relationships anymore.

As she climbed into her bed she was wearing her favorite nightclothes, Blaize had bought them for her as a joke. They were barely there shorts that showed the bottom of her butt cheeks, and a tank top that was really tight and showed her cleavage. Lacy was just going to throw them away since they were meant as a joke but she still kept them. Plus they made her body look great and she wanted to show Blaize one day. As she laid down she looked over to her left and she saw the picture that was taken about Christmas time in the snow. It was Blaize with his arm around Lacy and her head was on his shoulder. It looked like a picture of a couple who had been together for quite some time.

As soon as she did look at the picture she busted into tears once more thinking of what she couldn’t have. She was so in love with Blaize and he didn’t feel the same way towards her, though she wished he did. Lacy knew this was going to be another night where she would be there crying for hours on end like almost every other night. She got her tissues and laid back down in her bed and tried to go to sleep but of course she couldn’t. She didn’t remember when she actually ended up falling asleep but she does remember crying quietly. She was laying there in bed and in her sub- conscious state she thought she heard someone coming through her bedroom door but she wasn’t sure.

She snapped her eyes opened and realized that yes she wasn’t hearing things somebody was in her room with her. As they walked closer towards the bed where she lay in the skippiest clothing possible she got nervous. She wanted to scream for Blaize since he room was decently close but she wasn’t sure if the other person in her room would try and hurt her; so she kept silent. Lacy closed her eyes back as the person laid on the bed with her. The person then basically collapsed carefully on top of her blankets draping his arm over her. As he did this Lacy instantly got the scent and strawberries and cream body soap and she knew right then and there is was Blaize. Since Zain had moved out Blaize hadn’t bought new soap yet so he had been using hers. She opened her eyes and looked at him laying down and she giggled softly. “Morning Blaize.” As she woke her body up she felt a small sting from her eyes. Which was the norm when she had spent the night crying, chances are they were swollen again.

[blaize]

Lacy’s greeting of good morning sounded odd with his ear rested against her ribs. Even through the covering of blankets he could hear her words hollow in her chest as she spoke and it sounded strange. Still, he had to smile at her breezy light laugh, and at first he didn’t lift his head. Instead, he lifted his hand up over his head and, albeit gently, searched for her face with his fingers. When he found it he let his hand slip down to cover her mouth and held it there in a moments silence before speaking.

“There’s no breakfast. And if there’s no breakfast, its not really morning. So for all we know it could be midnight still. So sshh.”

It was amazing how just being in her company made his worries seem lighter than they had been in his own room. He couldn’t tell if it was Lacy’s company in particular, or just the fact that he wasn’t alone and there was someone else to take the focus off all that was bothering him, but either way he was grateful for her presence. Another few minutes passed with his fingers pressed lightly to Lacy’s lips, but that in itself was a oddity. Normally Lacy would have been biting his fingers off at least. He wagered that the fact that he had just woken her up and she was hardly expecting him to do so either. It was that that he relied on as an excuse for her less than enthusiastic reaction.

Eventually though, he did lift his head, and lifted his hand from Lacy’s face at the same time as he turned to look at her. Now, Blaize wasn’t always the most observant person in the world, but he liked to think he was one of those rare males that do notice when something is wrong or off or generally not standard. And the moment he looked at Lacy he noted the slightly puffy and reddened eyes. The smile that had started as a greeting to her vanished in place of genuine concern and a frown creased his brow. At first he didn’t know what to say, as if just noticing her distress had drained him of all that could count him as a better-than male, but his honeyed jade eyes didn’t leave her face.

While words failed him he could only push himself off the bed enough to push up the short distance until he was level by her side. There, he pulled her into a comforting hug (well, as comforting as it could be with the blankets still between them). He pulled her weight against him, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, letting his fingers slip easily into the ends of her sleep-tangled hair.

“I thought that with Zain gone there wouldn’t be much left to make you cry…”

If he only knew.

If Blaize had any idea that Lacy felt for him, felt such strong emotions for him when he so easily forced himself to feel nothing but friendly compassion, he probably wouldn’t be laying this close to her in the first place. The idea that anyone felt so much for him actually frightened him. It unnerved him as much as the thought that he could feel that much about anyone else. Such emotions were not to be taken lightly, and more often than not (at least in his case) they always ended in pain. The better he could avoid it all together, the safer and happier he and the people around him could be. It was simple.

And he just had to remember that.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” he asked softly.

[lacy]

As Lacy went and said good morning to Blaize she had to laugh at his reaction to it being morning time, meaning time for them to wake up. He lifted his hand up while keeping his head down and placed his hand over her mouth, and then began to talk. He said there is no breakfast and if there was no breakfast then it wasn’t really morning and he said that it was still midnight for all they knew. “Ha-ha silly it is morning and it is time to wake up.” As he was laying in her bed with him, all she could smell was the arousing scent of the strawberries and cream and he his normal male scent. As she looked down she saw how good he looked and how much all she wanted to do at that moment was kiss him. As he had his fingers on her mouth Lacy’s mind started drifting back to the night almost a month ago, when they had slept together. She had lost her virginity to him and she was very happy about that choice though it still broke her heart. He took his hand from her mouth and Lacy thought to herself how much she wanted him to put his lips on hers and never stop kissing her.

She looked down at him and could see him looking up at her, which Lacy was worried because he looked upset. His smile disappeared and he seemed really worried about her. She was scared he was going to ask her what was wrong, and she didn’t want him to know. Though Lacy didn’t want Blaize to know, in the state she was in right now she was scared she might blurt it out. Next thing she knew Blaize was pushing himself up on the bed and within seconds he was level by her side and Lacy teared up again. She felt the words boiling around in the pit of her belly just waiting to explode out of her mouth, she was scared to put it plainly. She sighed in sadness as he pulled her into a hug with the blankets around them he held her close, and Lacy didn’t ever want to leave his arms. She couldn’t help it and the tears came down as he ran his fingers through her hair. He then went and said that he thought with Zain gone there wouldn’t be much left to make her cry. Lacy shook her head no that she still had plenty to cry about, the man she loved didn’t love her.

What was worse is that he had no idea she even remotely felt that was about him, Blaize had no clue that his best friend was in love with him. He then asked her if she was going to tell him what was wrong, Lacy knew then and there that she had to tell him no matter how badly it hurt. Lacy did the only thing she could think of at the time, she got off the bed and walked over to her desk and opened the drawer. Laying inside was her journal where she wrote down every single thought she had on Blaize since the night they slept together. Inside was how she had lost her virginity to him and how she pretended to turn off her feelings just so she could be closer to him. “Read from the beginning till the end it’s only about ten pages I started it uhh the day after we umm yeahh you know.” Lacy then walked over to the desk and sat down and flopped her head down with a thud, she was terrified Blaize was going to hate her now.

[blaize]

If he had known his words would make her cry, he would have kept his mouth shut. If there was anything Blaize really couldn’t stand, it was feeling like he made a girl cry. And though he didn’t know the extent to which that statement was true, he felt guilt now for just asking her. Lacy was usually so happy; all smiles and laughs. That’s what attracted him to her from the very beginning, the fact that she wasn’t afraid to let lose and have fun. She was light-hearted, easy to be around and never seemed to have a single negative thought. Maybe that was why the hot tears that landed on his chest worried him more than they really should.

All he could do was hold her. Words failed him as she cried softly over problems that he didn’t know anything of. He didn’t know what to say or do to help but be there for her. He pulled the blankets up closer around her, covering her shoulders that were otherwise bare, and he waited for her stop. The silence was far from awkward but he felt that there was something, anything, that he should have been doing. He rested his cheek atop her warm blonde curls and let his eyes half close. He could easily fall asleep there if he didn’t feel so guilty doing so, so he kept his eyes defiantly open.

So when Lacy moved and pushed herself up off the bed, a slight frown crossed his brow for the disturbance. He wanted to comfort her too of course, and if she was leaving the bed and the warmth of the covers he felt like he was doing something wrong. When she returned and dropped a book by his side though, he was just confused. She told him to read, so read he would do, but it was a very strange request, or so he thought. He pushed himself upright on the bed and picked up the book. Closer inspection told him quite instantly that it was her journal. He glanced in her direction, catching sight of her as her head hit the desk with a thunk.

He didn’t voice his concern but obeyed her wish, and opened the journal to its first page. Sure enough the date was from about four weeks ago, as she had said. Just seeing it written in her neat writing had an unease brewing in his stomach. This couldn’t be good. So he read, line after line, paragraph after paragraph, each statement growing strong and solid in the forefront of his mind. She had… feelings for him. From the very beginning she had feelings, deeper than she had admitted to. And at once it struck him; she lied. She told him she was happy with just the physicality of what they did all those weeks ago. She had told him, despite his better judgement and persistent questioning, that there was nothing more than a physical, primal attraction between them. That was what he wanted. That was what secured the deal…

He read on, page after page of woes and tribulations of her just being around him. It was strange reading about events and moments from her perspective. Moments where he stopped and wondered what was going through her mind to make those grey eyes darken. And now he read it for himself. And he didn’t like the answer.

She loved him.

The last few entries were the ones so woven with emotion that he had to read them again. It was painful. This was exactly what he didn’t want, what he avoided for the past seven years when a girl, any girl, showed a deeper interest in him than he was comfortable with. He should have known. He did know. But she had told him, promised him that she wanted what he did. And she couldn’t have been further from the mark.

He had to bite his tongue to stop from accusing her right there and then. Snapping at her for… for tricking him like that wasn’t going to help either of them. His hazel eyes lifted to her hunched form at the desk as he snapped the book shut, she sound breaking a silence he hadn’t noticed before. She didn’t move as he watched, his expression as emotionless as he willed his mind to be. It was only then that he realised what she was wearing. The pyjama set that he had bought her for – he couldn’t remember what occasion. They were meant to tease, to flirt as they always had done. He was going to get the same for Harriet even to toy with her incessant flirtation too. He had known that they would look good though; anything would look good in that set, and Lacy would look good in anything, so it was a winning combination. But seeing her there in clothes he bought after read what he just did was too much. Any words he had for her, of comfort or of accusation, left his mind with the light breeze that blew through the open window. He just could deal with it.

He got to his feet, the journal forgotten on the top of the blankets that now lay empty and cold. He couldn’t even look at her as he went straight to her door and left the tension of her bedroom in silence. He didn’t spare her door a backwards glance as he walked straight across the landing and went back to his own room, closing the door and locking it behind him. What was he meant to do? He hadn’t realised his hands were clenched in fists until he sat down on the freezing cols sheets of his bed and he had to open them to rest his burning forehead in his palms.

This was exactly the wrong thing to happen to him today. Or any day for that matter.

[lacy]

Lacy was so scared when she had given Blaize the journal this journal of hers told every single thing that she had been feeling for him plus her thoughts on their night together. Her head remained placed down on her desk because she herself was too scared to look at him. As she was laying there she started thinking back to when she first met him and she couldn’t believe how far they had come. Back when she was only 18 Lacy had snuck into a bar and ended up meeting Blaize who was about five or six years older than her. Though there was a huge age gap they had an instant connection and Lacy was glad to call him her friend there was nobody else like him. As time grew on Lacy started to develop feelings for him, but knew he wouldn’t or couldn’t return them. He had been hurt by something in the past she wasn’t sure what but it caused him to close down that part of his body. Sure Lacy and Blaize they flirted all the time and everyone knew it, though she wasn’t sure if it meant anything. Almost a year after they met it finally hit a point where neither one of them could stop it. That morning was four weeks ago, she had gotten up in the morning and he soon followed. One thing led to another and they ended up in his bedroom and Lacy lost her virginity to Blaize Jacobs; it was never the same after that for Lacy at least. For she had fallen, and fallen hard for him.

She could hear him turning the pages to the book and as he kept reading it seemed the pages were turning more harshly, like he was getting angry. Lacy didn’t like to see him angry, she remember the one time him and Zain got into it on her and Jeze’s defense; he had scared her with his anger. Her felt her chest tightening as she held back a sob knowing he must be coming to the end of the journal. She wasn’t sure how he was going to react knowing Blaize like she did he would either scream or walk out. She hoped he screamed, it would break Lacy’s heart if he were to just walk out without a word. Lacy knew he would probably be mad as well she had lied to him, he made it perfectly clear no strings attached just sex. The only reason she lied to him like that was because she was in love with him and she wanted to be with him and that was the only way.

She heard the snap of the journal close and Lacy prepared herself for the yelling to come, but surprisingly it didn’t come at all. She didn’t hear any movement so she didn’t lift her head she wanted him to act first. He then did something she didn’t expect she heard him get up and walk towards the door, opening it and walking out into his bedroom; without a single word. As soon as his door shut Lacy lifted her head, her light gray eyes filling with unshed tears as one single tear came strolling down her face, he had left her. Blaize had never in their entire friendship walked away from her without saying something, her chest tightened and the tears began to pour down her cheeks in a river like motion. Within seconds Lacy and curled in a ball on her bedroom floor bailing without any signs of stopping, her heart had been broken, by the person she trusted the most.

She laid there literally until she had no tears left to cry and it was just dry sobbing, she sat up and looked around her room and sighed. She couldn’t stay here anymore, she couldn’t be around Blaize, it was apparent that he had no feelings for her that she meant nothing more than a piece of ass. Of course if she were thinking clearly she would know that was the farthest from the truth that he did care just neither of them knew it. Lacy slowly got off the ground and shut her bedroom door and turned towards her closet and sighed once more. She then went about changing her clothes and putting her hair into a loose bun, she didn’t even bother with makeup because she already knew she looked horrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, her cheeks were red from her wiping them, she looked absolutely horrible.

Lacy then got down to her knees and pulled out her suitcase and flung it onto her bed, then repeated the same thing to get the other one. Quickly she began to pull clothes out of her closet and began pulling things from her drawers just throwing them into the suitcases and before she knew it they were all packed. She then dragged them into the hallway before actually stopping and looking at Blaize’s door, before she could stop herself she walked over towards it. She leaned her forehead on it and knock softly, patiently waiting for him to open the door and let her come in so they could talk. Of course she didn’t and Lacy felt her heart slowly breaking more and more as time went by. She couldn’t take it anymore and closed her eyes and concentrated on Blaize’s bedroom before she knew it she was on his bed. “Blaize we need to talk please don’t shut me out please.” As she saw him laying there the river of tears started again and Lacy couldn’t stop them no matter how many times she wiped them away.

[blaize]

Why? Why did it have to happen like this? Most men would be grateful or smug that one night with a girl made her fall in love with him, but to Blaize it was a nightmare. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Ever. He didn’t want this. He didn’t need this. And lacy didn’t deserve it. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and held them there, watching as the murky grey he could see turn to greenish black in a fluid swirl. Every time he moved his eyes even a fraction the darkness swirled in front of his vision again, unsettled. It was how he felt; if he moved or breathed too heavily even, everything would shift and he’d lose his balance, stability in his thoughts.

It was a strange thing, to feel like you were actually losing your mind when you knew you weren’t. Dodge had told him before that he didn’t just not like relationships, but feared them; she claimed it was a full blown phobia, and he was starting to think she was right. As he tried to force a rhythm into his breathing the darkness in front of his eyes started to shift again, and reshaped into something more familiar than the confused pattern before. Even as he fought not to think of her, Victoria came to his mind.

It was Victoria that had him like this. It took him a while to lay the blame on her shoulders but it was true. It was nine years ago that he met her, and seven years since she vanished. Seven years of not knowing where your love went or what happened to her. And, dear god, he loved her. Loved, because with her gone his heart soon frosted over until he couldn’t feel like that any more, and he didn’t want to again. He was young back then, sure, and she was five years older than his seventeen, but there was no denying what he felt. She felt it too, that much he was sure of. There was talk of marriage and ‘forever’s, and near the end, babies too. When she cheated on him he felt his heart break in two, but he forgave her. When she disappeared there was no one to forgive, and he’s never forgotten that. He doubted he ever would.

So when it came to the girls of the past seven years he kept them at arms length, making sure that whatever they wanted was the same as what he wanted, because then no one could get hurt. He made sure of that, just like he thought he made sure of the same with Lacy. And how wrong could he have been? He’d take it back if he could; thwart her advances with playful flirting like had been doing all along and pretend that her presence didn’t make his heart beat stronger. And he wasn’t going to let it happen again.

He felt the weight on his bed before she spoke and he knew what she had done. Being a teleporter had its advantages, it seemed, and Blaize hated the fact that a locked door couldn’t keep her at bay. He listened to her, dropping his hands from his eyes but still not looking at her. He blinked at the spots that had formed in his vision as he stared at the rug on his floor. He was being very, very calm, and it was easy to ignore her tears.

“You have no idea what you’ve done.” It was a simple statement, and one that rang with the darkness he’d learned to control. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

[lacy]

As Lacy finished packing up her things she looked around the room and figured that she could just come back and get her remaining things later. Sighing she put her head down she really didn’t want to leave but with the way he had treated her Lacy didn’t know if she could live with him anymore. Them sleeping together had basically ruined their friendship that they had built so hard to maintain. After about a minute or so Lacy knew it was time to leave before any of the other roomies woke up and noticed she was leaving she wanted to make this as quick as possible. Dragging her suitcases into the hallway she had every intention of leaving right away. Though her heart was broken partly she still felt drawn to Blaize’s room and to the man she knew was in there. As she knocked on the door Lacy knew he was going to answer and she just teleported herself into his bedroom.

As soon as she got into his bedroom she realized she was on his bed and he was on it as well, as she began to speak. She went and told him that they needed to talk and not to shut her out, she watched his hands drop from his eyes but he didn’t look at her. As she was sitting there of course the tears started in her eyes again because she was sitting on the object that had started this downward spiral of their friendship. He said that she had had no idea what she had done and then he went and said that he had nothing to say to her. Lacy put her head down and started to shake softly with tears, it was like he was trying to completely erase her from his thoughts and Lacy couldn’t handle it. “Blaize of course I have no idea what I’ve done because you would never tell me.” She stood up and looked right at him before continuing on her rant she was about to bust out with.

“And don’t you fucking dare act like this is all my fault Jacobs, because we are both to blame in this. You started it in fact that morning when you were playing that song, you fucking knew it would get a reaction out of me, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Sure I may have been quote unquote teasing you but that doesn’t mean shit, you didn’t have to say yes. You could of stopped me but you didn’t you let it continue. You and me both knew that it was eventually going to happen, and I am sorry I feel the way I do.” Sitting back down on his bed she sighed sadly. “I am sorry Blaize that I lied, but you have no idea the way you made me feel and still do feel. You made me feel like I wasn’t just an object or a possession like my parents do, you actually cared what I wanted somewhat. The way you were around me, made me want to be with you but I knew you didn’t like relationships.”

She moved closer and took her hand in his and rubbed her thumb over his hand softly. “ Blaize I knew that I wanted to lose my virginity to you, because you are literally the first person I trusted in my entire life. I also knew that if you knew how I felt about you, that you wouldn’t let it happen so I had to lie and say that I was perfectly fine with just sex no strings attached. Of course I didn’t mean that I mean you saw the journal I was practically in love with you before we slept together. Afterwards I was in love with you but I knew that I didn’t stand a chance, but nothing changed with us. You kept flirting with me kept finding some way to touch me, and it just hurt because you had no idea how I felt. I started keeping a journal just to let out all my feelings about everything going on with me. I know I am younger than you and I know damn well that you can find someone else instead of me that is far more attractive, but I guess I just thought I might be good enough for you to make you like relationships again. It was my fault for not telling you the truth, and I completely understand that you want nothing to do with me.” She then stood up and took something out of her back pocket and set it down on the table next to his bed.

“There is the rent for this month since I haven’t given it to you yet.” Then she took something else out of her pocket and tossed it onto his chest. “And there is the house key, to make it easier on you I am leaving I’m going back home to my parent’s house. I will send someone later this week to get the rest of my things that I couldn’t fit into the suitcases.” She sighed and bent down kissing his cheek before heading towards the door and unlocking it and opening it. Without looking at him she started to cry and spoke softly to him without even turning around. “I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry I hurt you, just forget about me and move on if that is what’s best for you.” Lacy then walked out of his bedroom and shut the door walking to her suitcases. Pushing then and carrying them as much as she could she managed to get them to the front porch. As soon as she shut the front door Lacy broke down in tears and collapsed to the cold cement outside of the house, she had lost the most important person in her life.

As Lacy waited on the porch for the cab to arrive she was secretly hoping that Blaize would come out after her but in her heart she knew he wouldn’t. Though Lacy was hurt by the whole situation she also knew that he was right in the sense that she had basically lied to him to sleep with him. She had told her parents that she was coming home and they were happy she was finally coming home. They never knew who she lived with they thought she had moved in with Blaize’s sister, at least that’s what she told them. She doubted they would let her move in with a man, so she lied. She spotted the cab driver showing up and she told him to take her to Twlight Inn, she didn’t feel like going home yet. She also wanted to disappear from everyone for a few days, to clear her head. Getting into the cab she watched sadly as the house got smaller and smaller until it was completely out of view.