__ashes and wine [closed; Lucian]

[cb]

Why? Why did she even bother showing up at his house? There would be no point. Charlie would just sit at a table, listen to him drone on and on about whatever he needed to tutor her for, and bore her out of her mind. Did she look like she needed tutoring? Okay, well her grades insisted it, but she didn’t really need it. Charlotte never cared to apply herself anyways. Her parents insisted on her doing it. Either way, she would still have to go to his house…For a moment, she paused in her steps walking down the sidewalk. He gave her his address on a piece of notebook paper. Unfolding it, she stared at the street name. She was on the right street, but where was his house?

Walking at a leisure pace, she looked around with her blue eyes. The neighborhood itself seemed incredibly peaceful – nothing to be worried about Charlie. Right? Right. Reaching her destination, she stood at the house before him. It was rather…big…for a person who lived alone. Perhaps, he had a wife or girlfriend? Charlotte never saw a ring on his finger. Maybe, he didn’t believe in marriage? Steadily, she approached the house. There was music coming from it. Settling in, she listened for a few minutes. The song itself was delicate. Was he singing? She couldn’t make out his voice. “Well, I don’t want to interrupt him if he’s…busy…,” Charlie said trying to escape from the option of tutoring.

Apprehensively, she pressed the button to the doorbell. Suddenly, an incorrect key was played. It didn’t take a musician to notice that he didn’t play the song correctly. "I'M GONNA KILL THAT MAIL MAN!" was all she heard and a couple of piano keys being crammed down under his fingers. Oh my. Charlotte took a couple of steps back and gave enough space, so he could open the door. Shifting her books back into one arm, she stood there without a smile. Her eyes plainly set on door waiting for him to open it. He would soon be embarrassed to find out that it wasn’t the mailman but his student. Sighing inwardly, she took a deep breath and nibbled on her lower lip.

Why was she here? She begged and begged her parents to explain to them her situation, but they refused. They told her it would be a great opportunity for her. Yes, an opportunity for her teacher to hit on her. Charlotte always thought tutoring took place in school. Apparently, Mr. Polisar wanted personal contact with her. Pursing her lips, she patiently waited for him to answer the door.

[lucian]

Lucian had completely forgotten about his tutoring session today. He was dressed entirely undefined for such a job. Wearing a pair of pajama pants and a white t-shirt. He had spent most of the morning making coffee and watching television. Some Saturday this was, but Lucian being as anti-social as he was he simply didn’t care to make friends or acquaintances anymore. Lucian sighed and meandered to his piano playing with keys at first, and then allowing them to progress into a song.

”Now I've heard there was a secret chord…
That David played, and it pleased the Lord.
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this!
The fourth, the fifth!
The minor fall, the major lift…
The baffled king composing Hallelujah.
Hallelujah…Hallelujah…Hallelujah…Hallelujah.”

Lucian sighed he truly missed his days in Scotland and Catholic school. Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth he began playing the next verse. His dexterous fingers moving along the opaque keys. He truly had piano hands. Sighing melodically to himself he began to play the next verse.

“Your faith was strong but you needed proof,
You saw her bathing on the roof.
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you…
She tied you to a kitchen chair!
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair!
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.

Baby I have been here before..
I know this room, I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch!
Love is not a victory march!
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah!

Hallelujah, Hallelujah..
Hallelujah, Hallelujah..

And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dove was moving too..
And every breath we drew was Hallelu-”

The door bell rang and Lucian’s position on the keys faltered. He cursed inwardly and said something about the mail man before getting up, his slippered feet making their way across the wooden flooring of his home. Who the hell would be bothering him on a Saturday? He rarely had friends over as it were. Lucian looked through the peep hole in his door. Oh right, tutoring. He didn’t even know why he had offered. Grunting in displeasure he opened the door. ”Hello Charlotte.” he paused. ”Do you need help with your bag?” Was Lucian being a gentlemen? Bah!

[cb]

Obviously, seeing who she was now, he wasn’t going to kill her. Good job, Lucian, good job. Her eyes scanned the room for a bit before entering. It didn’t seem like there was a woman walking about. In fact, it looked like he was living alone, which surprised Charlie for a minute. She looked at the way he was dressed, which was very informal. Though, it was laidback and relaxed. It didn’t look like he just woke up actually – more like he was being lazy. ”Do you need help with your bag?” Raising her eyebrows, she shook her head slowly.

“No, thank you. I-I have under control,” She said quietly. Taking the step into his house, she looked around. It was neat in a way. There was the piano which sat quietly in the living room. It was cleared out nicely. Shifting her bag from one side to the other, she stood in the middle of the room and looked at him, “So…where do we sit?” She questioned looking around more. Well, it seemed they didn’t have the option but the couch. Pointing at the lazyboy, she locked eyes with him. As he nodded, she walked over and sat down – planting her buttocks in the cushions. Quickly, she dusted off her knee-high shorts and adjusted her shirt slightly.

Finding him incredibly attractive, even in pajama pants, she was nervous. Charlotte had never communicated with a teacher outside of school. This was a new step to her. She was seeing a teacher outside of school. Odd and weird but new. Her bag settled near her feet, and she delicately reached in and pulled out a couple of books. What was he going to tutor about her anyway? Biting her lower lip, she waited for him to say something professional like he always did in class.

[lucian]

Lucian shrugged as she declined his offer to help carry her bags, sighing he sat down on the couch next to her giving enough space for comfort. It had been a long time since he had a woman in such close quarters, alone with him. Lucian sighed as she began taking book up0n book out. Did he really agree to do ALL of this tutoring? He was daft. Lucian sighed and rubbed his temples, a small yawn escaping his uneven lips. He was bored already. "I had completely forgotten about our engagement. I apologize for my attire, and my current disposition. I don't normally invite people into my home. We should have done this at the park or somewhere more civil." Lucian paused. "Speaking of civil how is Team of Rivals treating you?"

Lucian was of course Scottish and his speech and heavy drawl dictated that. When he was in class he over annunciated to make his drawl less apparent but now he was speaking normally unto her, speaking with his throat and rolling his r's. He sighed melodically and slumped back into the couch folding his arms across his chest. "So which subjects have you been having trouble with? Miss Riley-" Lucian scoffed for a moment. "Says you're having a hard time focusing in psychology, why?"

Lucian seemed tense. His arms buried into his chest and his eyes trying desperately not to scan her petite frame. He had already noticed the shape of her legs when she entered. They were pretty, statuesque. Not overly toned or extremely overbearing. She was a little bird. Lucian sighed and began sifting through her books without premission.

[cb]

Nodding her head slightly, she listened to her teacher explain his attire and the situation. So he forgot? Well, Charlotte should’ve just avoided showing up and not coming. He wouldn’t remember either way, and she could avoid this awkward encounter. God, she was an idiot. Berating herself mentally, she listened to him ask her a question about the book that he assigned in class. Looking up at him, she said plainly, “It’s alright…to be honest…I’m not a fan of Abraham Lincoln, at least as a president. I’m more of a Theodore Roosevelt kind of…person…but…the book is interesting enough to keep occupied.” Charlotte didn’t want to discourage him about the book. It wasn’t one of her favorites, and she wasn’t going to suck up to him about it either. She hated being a teacher’s pet and wanted to avoid doing just that.

"Says you're having a hard time focusing in psychology, why?"

Biting her lower lip, she crossed her arms over her stomach for a bit. What was her answer now? Charlotte couldn’t tell him the truth that she was…seeing things. She should just lie to him, but the thing was that she was a horrible liar. She couldn’t lie without her parents noticing that she was. Staring at the carpeted ground, she shrugged her shoulders lightly. There wasn’t an immediate reply coming from her. She had to choose her words carefully. Exhaling, she turned to her teacher and said quietly, “…just not my subject, I suppose.” Great choice of words, Charlie. Bad liar…yep… She continued on, “…Mr. Polisar…I’m not the greatest student…you should know that from my marks. I’m barely passing any of my classes…except your’s…but I don’t need help. I understand what’s going on in all of my classes…I-I don’t need to be tutored.”

Charlotte didn’t really need to be, even if everyone around her insisted that she need to be. Truthfully, Charlotte understood psychology. It would be one of her best subjects too, but she always had visions in that class. Perhaps talking about the brain triggered her brain to show her premonitions. Nothing big usually. They would just show her answers to a test – a test that probably wouldn’t be assigned for the next month or two. Sometimes, they even showed her what the teacher was planning on doing for their next assignment. Little things…nothing major… Leaning back in the couch, she stared at the ceiling for a minute. “…you don’t have to do this, Mr. Polisar. I-I-I’m capable of comprehending everything in class…” She said trying to get him out of tutoring her. Though, Charlie couldn’t tell if it was working or not. She tried not to stare at him because if she did, she probably wouldn’t look away. The petite girl didn’t want to be caught checking out her English teacher.

[lucian]

Lucian sighed as he neglected to answer her question for a few moments. Generally the women he had been with in the past were vivacious and crude. He spent rarities of time with women such as Charlie. He wasn't a jiggilo and he didn't attempt to be, just generally the women he attracted like flies were unwomanly at best. Lucian lifted the book in his hands and weighed it evenly in the air bobbing it up and down before him.

"Roosevelt, huh? It's funny you say that since he tended to mention Abraham in most of his speeches, including his inaugural speech in 1905." Lucian paused. "I think the most influential thing he has said, that truly hit me, truly irked me to further divulge upon it was this." Sighing he set the book on his coffee table and cleared his throat. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." He said it all fairly quickly, but slowly enough that Charlie could comprehend. "If we all lived by that quote there would be no such thing as failure, because for every failure, there is an attempt, and with every attempt you are closer to the divine entity that is your aspiration or goal."

Lucian sighed and scooted back a bit on the couch. Trying to give Charlie as much space as possible. He could tell she was nervous. "Charlie you're brilliant," he paused and muttered "and beautiful" under his breath. Hopefully she hadn't heard him. 'There is so much you could do with that mind of yours. You need to become more gregarious. If not with people then with your studies! I see you doing great things, but because of what happened to you, you live in defeat and ignore them. If you took anything from what I just reiterated from Roosevelt you would know that already." Her eyes seemed to grow wide as he mentioned so blatantly what happened to her. "Yes, I know, and it is unfortunate, but we all have struggles we have to fight through in life. Letting them consume you will get you nowhere. We all have personal tragedies that haunt us for the rest of our lives, some not as demeaning as the rest, but all the same we suffer similar atrophic situations. If you take the road less traveled you'll never get anywhere, and you'll never escape it, as hard as it seems to really get over the hump. You need to accept what happened to you, and move on. I'm not MR. Polisar. I'm doctor Polisar. and I received my phd and doctorates in Psychology and Literature. I was working toward history, but stopped. I was negligent to finish."

[cb]

She listened to him quote Roosevelt. Raising her eyebrows, she glanced at him and had a general feeling that he was going to tell her what her parents were telling her – pretty much – what everyone had been telling her for the past couple of years. She needed to move on and to forget about what happened and feel sorry for herself. To be truthful, she didn’t feel sorry for herself. Charlotte simply felt dead. If not dead, then apart of her was missing. The only reason she didn’t kill herself was for one reason: her family. She couldn’t bear the sadness that she’d bring them.

“You need to accept what happened to you, and move on.”

Looking at him in the eyes, she sighed quietly to herself. “With all due respect, Dr. Polisar, I’ve had this speech given to me plenty of times. You’ve read my file then? Then you most surely have seen my grades. I don’t have the passion or the ambition to try. I just simply exist…I’m not a genius…just a girl with common sense. I walk around the hallways like I’m invisible, and to most people, I am. I’d rather have it that way. It’s how I’ve come to live these past few years,” She admitted simply and bit her lower lip. Charlie relaxed her neck and back muscles a bit trying to calm herself down. She didn’t want to be nervous in front of her teacher.

Raising her eyebrows, she looked at him as he mentioned mastering in Literature. Though, she was positive that he wanted to teach psychology. He wasn’t the biggest fan of Miss Riley – she could tell. “Why did you offer to tutor me, Dr. Polisar? I-I-I mean…I’m doing fine in your class, why bother? It’s not like…it matters to you what grades I make…,” She said quietly. Scooting her bag to the side that was filled with books, she questioned why she brought these many. It was pointless. The tutor session was going to end in utter and complete failure. Folding her hands in her lap, she nodded her head slightly. These next couple of hours were going to be long.

[lucian]

”You simply exist?” Lucian began his voice trailing off into what seemed like infallible emptiness. He stared around his grand house, up the stair well, to the clock hanging on the wall, and finally back to Charlie once more. Sighing he began speaking once more. ”Do you know what makes a person, a person? Instead of a benign meaningless entity?” He paused as she seemed thrown for a loop. Sighing and shaking his head he raised a hand and placed it on her shoulder, closing their distance by quite a bit. ”The true definition of a person, is the recognition other people give them. I recognize you Charlie. So you are not invisible in my class room. Yes, I read your file. Only so I could do my best to help ease you out of your shell. No one should live in silence and let the ever present darkness daunt them. No one should willingly accept defeat.” Lucian’s gaze on her face faltered and his eyes fluttered shut.

”Because I recognize you. In my classroom you ARE someone, and you may not realize it, but I’m not grading you any differently than the rest of my students. You’re just putting in more effort naturally, of your own accord. Whether you notice this or not, its your minds way of accepting my advances.” Lucian sighed his eyes opening once more. ”Charlie you’re beautiful, talented, and-” Lucian paused as Charlie seemed to finally gaze up into his eyes, her ocean blue eyes intertwining with the green of his own, overcome by emotion Lucian kissed Charlie his eyes fluttering shut and his lips moving in an incoherent stupor, with hers.

Finally realizing what he was doing. Lucian jerked away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, as if he had tasted something incredibly foul. Though it wasn’t that. He was just angry with himself. Lucian sat up, his hands balling into fists. ”I-I shouldn’t have done that. I apologize Charlie, I don’t know what I was thinking.” Lucian sighed and seemed to jaggedly walk over to his piano and began playing his melody once more. To soothe his inner demon, that was banging viciously on the cage that was his ribs.

”You say I took the name in vain.
I don't even know the name…
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light, in every word!
It doesn't matter which you heard.
The holy or the broken Hallelujah…

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

I did my best, it wasn't much…
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though, It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord in Song.
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.”

His fingers on the key faltered. Turning to Charlie who was still there he sighed. ”You may go if you wish, and you don’t have to return for another session. You may also tell the authorities or your parents about my passing gesture to you. It wasn’t in malice, but I do deserve anything of that sort. If you so wish to do it.”