Kogareru {IZAR}

[masinorimoriyama]

((That’s ok! It was only like a day! Just don’t leave for a week anymore >.< ))

“I’ll call more, I promise.” Masinori smirked as he heard the last bit of what Izar said before he returned in the doorway saying it was all clear. He slumped against him and Masinori pushed him forward jokingly. The three followed him inside. The couple was completely disheveled, like they’d been in a battle or something, which they very nearly had. Hotaru looked the better of the two surprisingly, but only because she’d been cleaned up a bit at the hospital. Masinori wondered how far along she was because he couldn’t even tell she was pregnant. She was wearing a loose dress, but even so there was maybe only the slightest bump visible. “Thank you so much for letting them stay the night, I’ve already put you out so much. You have to come visit us sometime in Sanglinee so I can return the favor.” Masinori said, bowing to Mrs. Dupont. He felt really bad for bringing strangers into a house that he himself was a guest in. But the last thing he expected was to find his sister and ex-friend-thinger hanging out in the middle of the forest being chased by crazy archers.

“So you’re Masinori’s sister! What a surprise! It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Hotaru smiled and bowed politely but shyly didn’t say anything, “I don’t think they know a ton of English.” Masinori explained. “That’s alright, we’ll figure it out. You boys go upstairs and get some rest, I’ll get these two cleaned up and set up on the sofa bed.” She said shooing them off. He glanced back as he and Izar approached the stairs. Hotaru was being led into a guest bathroom, Aoi was looking back at them with thanks in his face. Masinori turned and rolled his eyes as he plodded up the steps. Despite his hostility towards Aoi, he felt nothing but gratitude towards Izar’s family. “I don’t know how I’ll make it up to them.” He said as they walked. “And yes, it has been a long day.” He said answering his previous statement. “I’m glad we can curl up and relax now.” He said as he fell backwards onto the bed in Izar’s room, reaching out and making grabby hands for him to join him. “It’s so weird.” He chewed on his lower lip. “I never thought I’d see them again.” In fact I hoped it… He thought.

[izar]

((lol I can't make any promises!! lol))

Izar smiled and laughed slightly when he pushed him forward a bit, "But I'm so tired." He whined jokingly. He really hated putting his parents through this. Things like this always happened to him. He didn't want anything to happened to his parents. They had done so much for him already and yet they kept giving. His mother nodded vigorously, "I'll make sure to, dear." Izar smiled, that would be nice though he'd have to clean his apartment and to be completely honest he was afraid of what he would find. Henri just shook his head and bit his lip. It was clear he disapproved of them. His father gave him a look that would make hell freeze over but then he shook his head and smiled.

Izar smiled and went over to her and hugged her tightly. "You are an angle in disguise." He said to her. "Oh don't worry about a thing, and just between the two of us if I ever see your birth mother I'll make sure to give her a piece of my mind." His heart warmed and he couldn't help but be touched. "What are you still doing here? Go get some sleep." Izar walked toward the stairs and then looked back at Masinori, "I've been trying to figure that out for a long time, love." Izar smiled when he fell back on the bed. He laughed and happily joined him shifting into his arms. Izar closed his eyes, he could tell Masinori didn't want to see them. "Masinori, tell me about your childhood." He said out of the blue his eyes still closed. He wanted to know if he could help him feel better about seeing his sister and old friend.

[masinorimoriyama]

(( T.T lol))

Masinori rubbed Izar’s shoulders comfortingly for pushing him inside. He had the added stress of having to impose more guests on his parents. Masinori was busy making a mental note to send them a big package of presents when they got home. “I’m really sorry, really. I hope I can make it up to you.” Masinori apologized and bowed, and so did the couple (though Izar‘s parents probably didn‘t know that‘s what they were saying). They looked miserable about it all too, especially Hotaru who looked half like she wanted to run back outside. You’re not the only one. Masinori thought at the comment about Izar’s mother. That was one person he hoped none of them ever ran into again. Ignoring your existence was one thing, but attempted murder…that wasn’t exactly forgivable. “I’ve been trying to figure that out for a long time, love.” Izar said as he found his way into Masinori’s arms. “I like it when you call me love.” He said snuggling into him.

“Uhh.” Masinori was a little caught off guard. Izar was lying in his arms with closed eyes like he was ready for a bedtime story. “After today? After meeting that person that broke my heart, you want to hear about my childhood?” He said, not hostile by any means, but a little disbelieving. “Or is it Rokuru you want to hear about?” He asked quirking a brow. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to be thinking about it, but since he already was, and since he loved Izar, he shrugged. He’d want to hear if there was someone that broke Izar’s heart in the past. He didn’t know his romantic history at all really, though he’d hinted at never being in a relationship. Which seemed damn near impossible. “I’m already thinking about it, so alright.” He shrugged and conceded. “He was a big part of my childhood though. So yeah…” He was quiet for a minute and as he thought he rubbed his forehead.

“Well, Hotaru was born when I was about five I think. I was excited about it at first. I thought she was this beautiful little doll. Her skin was so pale and her laugh made you want to laugh too. Then my parents seemed so preoccupied, which is natural with any new baby. But I was really forgotten. I had to fend for myself in a lot of ways that most children that age don’t have to. They didn‘t give a shit what I did at that point.” He paused. Izar already knew his mom had dressed him up like a girl before his sister was born. “I got to be a boy again though, so that was cool.” He laughed slightly. “I guess in a lot of ways it was cool too, I got to do whatever I wanted, but every child wants to be loved by their parents. Mother had Hotaru and Father was busy with work, struggling to take care of the family. We lived just outside of Osaka and I started school, kind of kept to myself. Let’s see…pretty much as soon as I learned to read I started obsessively reading manga. That’s how Rokuru and I became friends.”

He scratched his head and tried to picture it. “He was a new student, I was eight. He was introduced to the class, a few days went by and one day he approached me in the playground because I was reading a manga he liked. We immediately hit it off I guess you could say. We had similar interests and could relate to each other. He was my first friend. He told me he was an orphan, he’d actually just woken up that year and didn’t remember any of his past. I told him I was practically an orphan too and he kind of got mad at me I think until he came to my house and saw my family in action. He was all I had back then, and I was all he had.” He was going from looking down at the blanket to closing his eyes in thought. “He was my first kiss too. I’d almost forgotten.” He winced. “We were like fourteen or something…hmm how did that happen? Ugh, are you sure you want to hear this?“ He asked rhetorically. He did ask to hear it. “I think he got in trouble for something and he ran away from the orphanage and snuck into my room. No no, they were trying to adopt him out and he was going to have to leave and not see me again so he was upset about it. We were asleep together when the police came, not like that or anything, just sleeping.” He corrected. “Well when they knocked on the door he’d gotten kind of hysterical and out of nowhere he kissed me, but like a real kiss.”

“I was surprised, but it was an emotional occasion so I didn’t think too much of it. He didn’t end up having to leave for whatever reason, we didn’t talk about what happened and nothing really changed. But then we got a little older, he started to recognize his feelings for me, my ability started to show up and I started to recognize his feelings for me and he was just totally freaked out about it. He really acted like an immature ass hole. I felt the same way about him, so I don’t know what the big deal was, but even so I would’ve been ok with staying his friend. He was the only family I had and he just stopped speaking to me and treated me like something loathsome and disgusting when he was the one who started the whole thing.” He stopped there and let out a long breath. He unconsciously held Izar tighter and buried his face in his chest. “Other than that…Hotaru was ok sometimes. I remember giving her piggy backs rides and playing with her when she was little, but she was sort of a brat and we weren’t close, especially after I met, whatever the fuck his name is now.” Bitter much. “I worked at an apothecary from the time I was a teenager. When I discovered I could see into people’s dreams I tried to hunt down the bad guys and that backfired. I got fed up and left Japan and lived a meaningless miserable existence until I met you and you made me come alive again…aaaand that’s my life story. Sorry you asked?”

[izar]

Izar smiled he was so glad that Masinori was so polite to his parents. And visa versa. He didn't think he could handle it if they didn't like each other. It would be like a war between the people he loved most in th world. No offense to his parents but he would definitely have chosen Masinori over them. Though he was glad he didn't have to. Izar smiled when they also bowed and apologized. He could understand them but he doubted he could have spoken it that smoothly. It was times like these that he really missed Japan. Then again he couldn't figure out why, he only had bad experiences in Japan. He turned to Masinori and smiled, "And it is truly the only word that I think can describe it." He said feeling like he was getting mushy.

Izar shrugged, "A little of both I guess," he said opening his eyes, "I want to know why you're so upset so that I can make you feel better," he said honestly. He honestly he thought talking about it would help him. "Maybe getting the thoughts out of your head will make it better?" He suggested. Izar snuggled next to him a little closer to listen. He could tell that he didn't want to talk about it but when you care about someone sometimes you have to make them do things that they don't like to help them. Izar blinked for a moment and wondered why he didn't live the quiet life of a psychologist. It would be much safer. He shook the thought away, he didn't like what he did but he was making a difference.

Izar blinked slowly as he listened. He smiled slightly when he made the comment about getting to be a boy again. Izar thought about a little Masinori sitting on a playground reading a manga. It was a slightly humorous picture. Izar smiled and interrupted, "I bet you were cute little kid with your nose in a Manga." He grinned teasing him lightly. Izar blinked in shock at his next comment, "Really?" He listened and was amazed at their relationship. It was no wonder Masinori hated him for rejecting him. Izar blinked again in surprise. "Kind of caught in the moment kind of thing?" He thought it over for a moment and nodded faintly.

Izar nodded his eyebrows moving so that they showed sympathy. Izar slid his hands around Masinori's shoulders and pulled him close and petted his hair when he buried his head in his chest. Izar hummed slightly trying to sooth him. He was really angry with Aoi. He smiled when he came into the picture, "I'm sorry," he said feeling guilty about making him talk about his past. Izar smiled though despite himself, "It's ok, love," he ran his hand comfortingly though his hair, "I love you, Masinori, and I don't ever want you to feel like that again." He kissed his forehead, "I want you to know that I will love you and I don't ever want you to feel miserable again. So, I've decided that your life is going to meaningful whether you like it or not." He smiled and brushed his hand through Masinori's hair again.

[masinorimoriyama]

“Haha you’re cute.” Masinori said, he didn’t mind him getting mushy. “I do feel awful, but just having you here makes all the difference. What would I have done if they showed up on my doorstep in La Castellane and I didn’t know you at all and had to face that alone? Having you to share it with, to lean on and comfort me is more than you could imagine.” He brushed a hair out of his face and smiled down at him as he held him. In the old days when he wasn‘t feeling well, which was nearly constantly, he had to experience it alone in his cheap shabby apartment in the slums of Marsielle. He‘d go and sit on the roof of the building and look at the moon and wish he didn‘t exist at all. If they‘d showed up there with him in that state, he probably wouldn‘t have been able to handle it. But Izar was there when it happened, even if he just let him squeeze the life out of his hand. “Alright, I’ll try…” He began to go off on a tangent about his past, his childhood, and how he met Aoi.

“I was scrawny. I could show you sometime, but I want to see you as a child too.” He kissed his face close to his ear. “Next time in the sakura blossoms,” he said, meaning when Izar was dreaming. “Yeah. I…yeah.” He said in response to his surprise, and continued the story. “That was what I thought at the time. But I think he always felt that way and saw it as his last chance to do something about it? Since they were supposed to send him away and all, which didn’t end up happening because he ran away and the people that were going to take him took someone else or something like that.” Izar nodded faintly, he wondered if it bothered him to hear about him kissing someone else and he felt bad for telling him that he’d once been close with someone else. He closed his eyes when Izar kissed his forehead. “As long as you‘re in it, of course it will be. And I will more than like it.” He breathed a pleasant sigh as Izar played with his hair. He was so thankful to have him there like that.

“It hurts to see him. It brings so many things back…why does the past have to come back and bite me in the ass? I am so happy with you, I was happy to put it all behind me and it took so long to do. I didn’t ever want to think about anything that happened before I came to Sanglinee. I’ve been trying to start over for so long…” He trailed off and then whispered, “And he’s with my sister? How strange is that? And on top of it all…no nevermind.” He shook his head. He was going to say something about how they didn’t seem very in love but wasn’t sure if he should. He also thought he should bite his tongue before Izar got the wrong idea and thought he was jealous or something. “I suppose…maybe I’m supposed to face this? Maybe I need to face my past so I can be stronger in the future? Hmm…don’t really want to though.” He said jokingly and sighed. “I’m sorry, you must be really tired. We’ll have all the time in the world to deal with it since it’s in our laps now, what do you say we get some rest and enjoy the good parts of our life…each other.”

[izar]

Izar grinned and stuck his tongue out. "I try." He said jokingly. Izar hugged him tightly, "It goes both ways, love," He smiled sweetly, "What would I have done if you hadn't come to rescue me that night?" Izar pretty much knew the answer to that he'd have gone insane and probably killed several people before eventually killing himself. He never wanted to be like that again and with the new thing he figured out today. He shuttered slightly at the thought. He shook his head shaking the thought away. Izar rested against Masinori's chest and looked up at him a smile showing on his face. Masinori's past was a hard one, he basically had to raise himself, at least Izar's mother taught him things, rather harshly, but she taught them and Izar never forgot. His hand absently traced the scars on his arms.

Izar made a face and stuck his tongue out, "Fair enough," he didn't know what kind of memories that might bring up, he generally avoided even thinking he was a child. He did like remembering his grandparents though. Izar nodded, when he was dreaming he didn't know what would happen. Izar was slightly jealous again of Aoi. He'd stolen Masinori's first kiss. Masinori was Izar's first kiss. He hide his jealousy that would just give him one more thing to not like Aoi for. Izar smiled and nodded, it was foolish of his to be jealous of something that used to be. Izar smiled and played with Masinori's hair again. He knew that if Aoi ever tried to take Masinori back... well lets just say Need would get to taste some of Aoi's blood.

Izar stroked his hair soothingly, "I know it hurts, love. He hurt you badly. You can't run from the past, it runs faster." Izar said as he touched Masinori's cheek, "You can still start over, just don't let him pull you back into the past." He smiled faintly and moved his hand again through his hair. Izar paused, "No what were you going to say?" He wondered if he really wanted to hear it. Izar smiled, "Usually things that hurt us in the past are things we have to face to move on. I know it's not easy, I mean look at me and water, we're not going anywhere fast." He was starting to ramble he pulled himself back on track, "The point is that it isn't easy and it's not going to happen over night. I'll be here for you, Masinori, don't forget that." He beamed and nodded, "I like the sound of that." He said and shifted against Masinori and closed his eyes. Faintly he wondered if Masinori would come into his dream tonight.

He was shorter than usual, a lot shorter... He was a little kid again. Faintly he started to register where he was. He hadn't had this nightmare in a while. He snuck though the house trying to go unnoticed. He knocked something over... a vase? He shook his head trying to banish the dream. He hadn't had it in years. Someone screamed his name and stomping feet came in the room. He tried to get away but her iron grip caught his arm. 'Look what you've done you demon!' she yelled and grabbed a shard of the glass. She held his arm out and dragged the glass deeply though his arm. He cried and begged for forgiveness but she wouldn't listen she was yelling and he was blacking out. He thought of Masinori and cried, he couldn't tell whether he was dreaming still or not as he tossed, the pain was almost real. He could feel the wind blowing and it was blowing hard trying to attack his mother.

[masinorimoriyama]

Masi’s mind flashed back to the sight of Izar violently beating his wings in the whirlwind of fire and air. “Leveled the place.” Masinori replied. He was shocked at how much power the short chibi Izar possessed. He hadn’t really seen too many abilities in action, and if he did it was usually to aid their daily life, not to battle for that life. Izar shuddered and he pulled him closer. “It’s all learning from experience, ne? The more opportunity you have to lose control the more you’ll learn to harness your power. Not that I want things like that to happen again.” He corrected quickly. He watched as Izar traced the scars on his arms. They were probably the only imperfection on his body. The only reminder to Masinori that he was human like anyone else. He followed his hand with his own, yawning as he did. Tomorrow they’d have to face new horrors, however small or large they may be was for the day to decide.

“Pull me back into the past? Ha, that’s not going to happen. Don’t even think about it because it’s not something I could ever want.” What did he mean by pulling back into the past? Thinking about it or being with him? The thought made him cringe in disgust. He had pictured Rokuru’s face and it made him scrunch up his own. Not that he was ugly or anything, far from it, but he wasn‘t Izar and anyone who wasn‘t Izar somehow repulsed him. Nope, not gonna happen. “What were you going to say?” Izar asked. “Well…just that their relationship seems a little off I guess. But it’s not really any of my business.” He shrugged. “Yeah and if you ever decide to go for a swim I’ll be here for you too,” He laughed and Izar snuggled into him and closed his eyes. He did the same, happy that Henri’s presence made it so they had to share a room. He rested so much better with him there.

“I don’t like the looks of this, darling.” Masinori’s voice reverberated in the realm that was Izar’s dream world. A small hand grasped Izar’s arm and pulled him up from the ground. He took his hand and pulled him along so that the smaller boy could only follow the back of his head as the nightmare rewound in fast motion. Then young Masinori was sitting on a park bench beside a small creek and a pastel colored playground, and if Izar had looked down he would’ve noticed his hand was empty again. Young Masinori set down his comic book as another boy approached, but then he vanished and Masi turned toward Izar. Izar blinked and now he was next to him on the bench. “That’s better.” He said after having adjusted things to his liking. “This is what I looked like as an eight year old.” He shrugged and laughed. He was much skinnier with brown messy hair that was probably longer than most little boys. He had on jeans and a t shirt that were too big for him by at least a size. He swung his still long legs as they hung over the bench. “Sorry bout the whole nightmare thing.” He said. “Anything else you want to see?

[izar]

Izar shrugged, "Yeah, probably." It was a scary thought again that he held so much power. Izar considered it then nodded, "I guess if you put it that way." He paused and closed his eyes pulling himself closer to Masinori. He buried his face in his chest, "Masinori, I took someone's breath away today." He paused taking a deep calming breath, "It scares me that I can do that." He said imagining himself fulling the air out of someones lungs. It was a slow death filled with terror. If he had to kill someone he really didn't want to draw it out for them. Izar looked up at Masinori as he followed his scars with his hand. Izar drew in a deep breath and calmed himself he was starting to loose it, sleep would probably do him a world of good.

Izar blinked slowly loosing consciousness. He yawned after Masinori's yawn contagiously transfered to him. He paused for a moment thinking about Masinori's comment. He was glad he said the past wouldn't come back to him. It gave Izar a bit of closure, if one could call it that. Izar nodded he did sort of notice that when Hotaru and Aoi were talking. Even when he found her safe Izar knew Masinori and he would have been lathed to each other as soon as they found one another nd be inseparable. He laughed slightly and tiredly, "I don't think that is going to happen for a long long time." He smiled at the though, he who couldn't even stand rain in a swimming pool.

Little Izar heard Masinori's voice he was grabbed by the hand. He looked back faintly wondering what happened to his house. He was glad that it didn't go any further. He followed the back of the person's head feeling that if he lost it everything else would be lost too. He paused when the person disappeared and they were on a playground. Izar blinked his little mind swirling when he was suddenly on the bench. He looked down at his arms they were bandaged and he had another smaller bandage on his knee. He was seven. Izar kicked his legs as they hung from the bench. He looked about, something about this place seemed familiar. He smiled at Masinori, "You were a cute little kid." He laughed in an oddly forgotten high pitched voice. "It's alright, it's not your fault and it's over now." He felt slightly naked without his piercings or tattoos. He licked the place where his lip ring would later be. Izar paused for a moment. "I remember this place." He said suddenly. He thought about it and he aged a bit as he did he was nine now, "This was the last school I went to in Japan." He looked around. Now it all seemed familiar.

[masinorimoriyama]

“You take my breath away every day.” Masinori said, even though it kind of wasn’t the moment, Izar looked up at him and he shrugged apologetically. “I couldn’t resist. But isn’t it the same as taking people out? I mean, in the sense that you took a life that was being used to evil to save someone that was innocent…ish? I can see how having as much power as you do would be frightening, but you have a remarkably lovely heart Izar, and I know you’re not going to parade around sucking the life out of all those you come across.” He ran his hand over the scars on his arms, the skin was slightly harsher there and he was curious about them. They could’ve been attained many different ways considering Izar’s past, but he couldn’t recall him ever explaining. Another thing he’d need to ask him about when given the opportunity.

He watched Izar drift off quickly, almost immediately, into an exhausted sleep.

”Thanks.” Little Masi said and scrunched up his face in a smile. Izar was very small and cute, it made him almost wish they could have a child together, but that was a strange thought. His little arms were bandaged up and he looked at them sympathetically without noticing. “Hey, you’re older than me now, that isn’t fair! Let’s see…” He calculated in his mind and changed himself to fourteen. “Now this is what I looked like when you looked like that.” He was taller, a little less skeletal, but not by much, and better dressed, but also not by much. “You were born in Kyoto right?” Masinori asked glancing around. “Would you mind terribly telling me about your scars?” He asked and kicked playfully at the dirt. He missed this country, he sometimes forgot just how much.

While they sat Masinori played with things. He made Izar’s arms look healed and unbandaged, he made his tattoos appear on the young body, and laughed out loud at the sight of a nine year old tattooed Iz. He wished so badly that it had been him that was his childhood friend. Izar was so brave, he would’ve been honest with himself and Masinori. They were in the same country for a long time, it could’ve happened. But meeting him at all was a strange and miraculous thing. If they hadn’t both come to this country, if they hadn’t both been on the street that day, how else would they have met? Because Masinori was certain they were destined to be together. One way or another they would’ve found each other. “I haven’t told you that I loved you in a few hours. I love you, Iz. And your hair was always unruly, wasn’t it?” He smirked.

[izar]

Izar looked up at him a kind of 'why would you say that now?' kind of look. Izar closed his eyes and nodded, "But it's not the same." He knew he took lives and people deserved it but he still didn't like it. "It's different, a quick death as opposed to a slow one. It takes a long time to die when you can't breath, a lot longer than most think. It such a horrible feeling, theres no air and the whole time you know you are going to die without it." He shuddered and shook his head at the thought. "I can't do that to someone." He looked up into Masinori's eyes feeling like a child. Izar listened to Masinori for a while and buried his face in his chest. "You always know what to say, Masinori." He said smiling into his shirt. He felt his hand over his scars and he tried to ignore the fact that they were there.

Izar felt odd being so little it was like he was looking up at everything, well that was his life now so it shouldn't have been much different but it was. Izar grinned, that was probably the only moment he would be older than Masinori even if for a second or two. He stuck his tongue out and laughed. Izar nodded and felt odd he couldn't move the air. It was an odd sensation, like being normal yet handicap. "We moved a lot though." He said then paused looking down at his arms. He fingered them slightly a lot more scars then he remembered having at this age. "Most of them my mother gave to me, every time I broke something, plate, glass, you name it, she cut me with it." He shrugged very glad that part of his life was over now. "She was trying to make it look like suicide and every time hoped she had cut deep enough to make me die." He decided he wanted to change the subject, it was far to morbid for his taste right now.

Izar laughed when the tattoos showed up on his body. It was odd seeing them on his small body. "Now you're just being a jerk," he laughed and ran his hand over his arm, it was nice that they weren't there he wished it could have been this way in real life. "I wonder if we ever saw each other," he said randomly, "I mean, I probably wouldn't have spoken to you but just seen each other. I wonder what we would have thought of each other when we were young." He thinking way to deep for the age he looked at the moment. Izar smiled, "I love you, too, Masinori." He laughed and ran a hand though his hair, "Yeah, pretty much been like this my whole life." He looked at Masinori, "Do you want to meet Zeferu?" He could imagine the old stiff man even now. He was always stubborn and his jaw was set in an almost permanent frown. As he imagined him suddenly he was there. He was taller than both of them, even in at their real ages. He stood a frown on his face and his gray hair pulled back and a little bit of gray on his brown wings.